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Melinda and Her Sisters 



BY 

MRS. O. H. P. BELMONT 

AND 

ELSA MAXWELL 

MUSIC AND LYRICS BY 

ELSA MAXWELL 



First Produced at the Waldorf Astoria 
February 18, 1916 




NEW YORK 

ROBERT J. SHORES, Publisher 

1916 



^^ 



-s^V 



Copyrighted, 1916, by 
ROBERT J. SHORES, Publisher 

Printed February, 1916 






VAIL-BALLOU COMPANY 

PINQHAMTON AND NEW YORK 



FEB 25 1916 



CI,A418985 



CAST 

Mrs. John Pepper, of Oshkosh out West. A common 
grasping climber belonging to the nouveaux riches type. 

Mr. John Pepper, her husband, who would have been nice 
if let alone. An honest, shy, sad, sort of man. Father 
of eight daughters. 

Nellie Pepper, beautiful, vivacious, with a talent for 
dancing. Later called Terpsichore. (Classic dancer.) 
She is accompanied by her friends Taglione, Pavlowa, 
Karsavina, Adelaide, Kattorana, etc. 

Annie Pepper, charming, though misguided. She has tal- 
ent for operatic singing. Later called Sympharosa. 

DoLLiE Pepper, comically tragic, who would be a second 
Rachel. Later called Iphigenia. Accompanied by 
Sophocles. 

PoLLiE Pepper, very engaging, with a talent for ball-room 
dancmg. Later called Orchesteria. Accompanied by 
Narcissus and friends. 

Mollie Pepper, looks like she sounds. Talent for sports. 
Later called Atalanta. Accompanied by Europa and 
Diana. 

Bessie Pepper, sprightly and rather silly, who would be 
a musical comedy star. Later called Ariadne. Ac- 
companied by Bacchus. 

Bettie Pepper, a would-be poetess. Called Sappho, Ac- 
companied by Praxiteles. 

Melinda, the youngest daughter. 
Dr. Doolittle, the village doctor. 



CAST 

Mayor Dooless, the village Mayor. 

The Rev. Wontstop, the village preacher. 

Mrs. Knowitall, the village school teacher. 

Mr. Vermifuge, the village Vet. 

An Old Lady. 

Butler. 

Little Children, Factory Girls, etc., friends of Melinda. 

Chorus of Servants, etc. 



MELINDA AND HER 
SISTERS 

[The Scene is laid in a pretentious gar- 
den in the more pretentious villa of Mr. 
and Mrs. Pepper in a remote town out 
West. Preparation for a fete is in evi- 
dence. Servants are bustling about ar- 
ranging chairs, tables for refreshments, 
hanging Chinese lanterns, etc.] 

[Enter Mrs. Malaprop followed by 
Mrs. Grundy] 

Mrs. Malaprop 
This is where they are holding the levee this 
afternoon. I do wish I knew who accepted and 
who refused. 



2 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 



Mrs. Grundy 
You are quite right, my dear; one can never be 
too careful about acceptances. People are inclined 
to accept far too many things, when it's a question 
of the honest though rich. 

Mrs. Malaprop 
And an unnecessarily large amount of refusals 
when it's a question of the deserving but dishonest 
poor. 

Mrs. Grundy 
Malvina Malaprop, why did you condescend to 
honor the Peppers with your presence today? 

Mrs. Malaprop 
Simply for the same reason you did, my dear. 

Both in Chorus 
Curiosity! 

Mrs. Grundy 
Oh, curiosity is such a comforting passion — the 
only one which has not grown out of fashion. 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 3 

Mrs. Malaprop 
People's hair, teeth, even their eyes, have been 
known to change color at various intervals in life, 
but curiosity, like the Mississippi, goes on forever. 

Mrs. Grundy 
Curiosity is nature's legacy to Woman. 

Mrs. Malaprop 
The only trait in which she is consistent. How 
much are they worth, my dear? 

Mrs. Grundy 
I don't know, but John Pepper must have put by 
a tidy sum. 

Mrs. Malaprop 
Have they money enough to move East and buy 
a Villa at Newport? 

Mrs. Grundy 
It doesn't take money to get a Villa at Newport ; 
it takes brains. 



4 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

Mrs. Malaprop 
Well, it takes brains to make money. 

Mrs. Grundy 
Any fool can make money ; it takes a clever per- 
son to spend it. 

Mrs. Malaprop 
No one with money ever has troubles. 

Mrs. Grundy 
No, but the trouble that the moneyed classes are 
causing us is simply terrible. Take these Peppers. 
Who was Mr. John Pepper? A nobody, a nonen- 
tity, and then one day he found out that glue was 
good to stick things with, and he has stuck ever 
since, till glue and Mrs. Pepper produced him eight 
daughters, four bathrooms, three chow dogs, a man- 
sard roof, a real English butler, and a Victrola, and 
now we have to receive them into our holy of holies, 
along with his stuck-up wife — simply because of 
glue. 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 5 

Mrs. Malaprop 
Well, my dear, there's one consolation. If it 
hadn't been glue it would have been something 
equally as sticky. Look how far jam has taken 
some people; and marmalade has lent a wonderful 
cache to various family trees. 

Mrs. Grundy 
Wheatena once had a certain social significance, 
but it's strange how even industries change. Really 
marriage is the only industry which never goes out 
of date, but even now I don't see how these Pep- 
pers get on and I don't think her hair is as honest 
as she says. 

Mrs. Malaprop 
Never believe what a woman's hair has to say. 
Hair is notoriously untruthful. 

Mrs. Grundy 
No, but hair covers a multitude of sins. They 
say that in New York women can have their hair 



6 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

any color they like as long as it suits the color of 
the dog they're wearing. 

Mrs. Malaprop 
People don't wear dogs ; they carry them. 

Mrs. Grundy 
Not in New York. Everything is worn there. 
They even wear their motor cars when they go call- 
ing. 

Mrs. Malaprop 
Yes, the honest, though rich, certainly have 
things their own way in this country. Well, I sup- 
pose we must admit the Peppers into society today. 
The party is to present the girls, isn't it ? 

Mrs. Grundy 
Yes, Nellie, Annie, Dolly, Polly, Mollie, Bessie, 
and Betty. They are returning today from their 
finishing schools abroad. Nellie they have called 
Euphonia; just what that means I don't know, but 
she is supposed to be a great dancer; and Annie 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 7 

they have called Sympharosa. She is supposed to 
be able to strike high C every time she sings. Then 
there's Dolly, who has been in Paris, studying to be 
a second Bernhardt. They call her Iphigenia. I 
can't speak it, but this is the way it's spelled. Then 
Polly they have called Orchesteria. They say she 
looks just like Mrs. Castle, and dances better too. 
Molly Pepper they call Atalanta. It's about some 
Greek woman who lost a race running for a street 
car or something like that. They say she plays a 
good game of golf, can swim across the Mediter- 
ranean, and is versatile in the latest profanity. She's 
been at Newport lately. Bessie Pepper they call 
Ariadne. She's going to shine in musical comedy, 
and Betty Pepper writes wonderful poems. They 
are so wonderful that they never get published. 
They call her Sappho, but I don't think it's hardly 
proper. 

Mrs. Malaprop 

And where is Melinda? Has she no talents to 
cultivate like her sisters; has she no ambition to 
shine socially and make a good match? 



8 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

Mrs. Grundy 
Hush! They don't mention Melinda nowadays. 
She is the skeleton in the closet of the Peppers. 
There's a great mystery here and I should like to 
pry it out. 

[Duet: "Don't Gossip'' and exeunt] 
[Mr. and Mrs. Pepper enter to oversee 
the preparations going on. Mrs. Pep- 
per is very arrogant and overdressed, with 
an affected accent of ultra refinement and 
exaggerated dignity of hearing. Mr. Pep- 
per is meek and depressed with a depreca- 
tory manner and near-sighted] 

Mrs. Pepper 
Now, Papa Pepper, what have you got to say for 
yourself? Look what you've been brought to by 
your fond and doting wife. Here you are just like 
one of those Lords you read about in the Tatler. 
Today is the day of which I have always dreamed, 
and thought of, and prayed to come true. There 
are our beautiful girls coming back full of their new 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 9 

accomplishments that are sure to get them all good 
husbands, and elect them to the new Colony Club 
when we arrive East. As for you, you don't need 
clubs. And you had better resign from the Elks. 

Mr. Pepper 
Why, I always found the Elks most useful, my 
dear. 

Mrs. Pepper 
No woman's husband at all prominent socially 
ever belongs to the Elks. 

Mr. Pepper 
But a man must belong to some club; it's his 
recreation. 

Mrs. Pepper 
No, the only recreation for a man nowadays is to 
help his wife make a social success. That's the only 
thing that really counts. To be a success socially 
is the stepping stone to the higher life: Publicity. 
And I am going to see to it that our girls get all the 



10 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

advertising that the morning paper can print. That 
will get them good husbands, if anything will. Pub- 
licity is the very keynote of life nowadays. 

Mr. Pepper 
[Shaking head] 
But, my dear, there is surely something else in 
life for our girls than merely to make good matches. 

Mrs. Pepper 
More ? Papa Pepper, what do you mean ? What 
more could there be in life than that our girls should 
enjoy themselves, find amusement, and associate 
with the best people? That was more than I ex- 
pected when I married you, John Pepper, and al- 
though I did washing then and we lived in a shack 
in the valley, now we have a mansion on the hill. 

Mr. Pepper 
Where is Melinda? 

Mrs. Pepper 
[Stopping him peremptorily] 

Hush! Don't speak of Melinda today. Think 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS ii 

of Euphonia's new Paquin frock. I do hope the 
color will match our best candle shades. 

Mr. Pepper 
But Melinda . . . 

Mrs. Pepper 
Think of Sympharosa's new tea gown — how that 
will dazzle the Village Vet ! 

Mr. Pepper 
[Interrupting] 
I wish you wouldn't call them by those new-fan- 
gled names. I don't recognize my little Nellie and 
Annie in such highfalutin titles. 

Mrs. Pepper 
Hush, John. That's what they call '' nouveaux 
art " or something of the sort. 

Mr. Pepper 
Now Melinda to me is a beautiful name. Where 
IS Melinda? 



12 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

Mrs. Pepper 
I told you we would not discuss Melinda today. 

Mr. Pepper 
But I do hope the girls will be real ladies after 
their expensive education. 

Mrs. Pepper ""^ ^ 

Education ? What has that got to do with a 
lady? When I married you I had no education "no 
yet I was a perfect lady just the same, Mr. John 

Pepper. 

Df blue da 

Mr. Pepper . ^eaib iv^ 

So you have told me before, my dear. But 
hope the girls will be kind-hearted. 

Mrs. Pepper 
Kind-hearted? Did you ever hear of a lady thai 
was kind-hearted? You are too old fas;,lr 
John. They don't teach such things at fir . 
schools nowadays. 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 13 

Mr. Pepper 
Well, at least I hope they have good minds and 
retentive memories. 

Mrs. Pepper 
Good gracious, John, you expect the impossible. 
And besides it is very bad form to remember any- 
t^in'^. nowadays and, so far as knowledge goes, we 
don L send our girls to school to learn anything, for 
^^^perfect lady should know absolutely nothing. It 
c. . les an atmosphere of mystery and elusive 
^harm. That's what men like in a woman. She 
Know nothing, think nothing, say nothing, 
oi' - .^ well, look well, and dance. 

Mr. Pepper 
[Interrupting] 
j^at haven't our girls been brought up to learn to 
.)ecome good wives and mothers? 

b-^ 70 ... Mrs. Pepper 

' =amft! Don't be so indelicate, John. No well- 
-nan at all prominent socially ever associates 



14 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

motherhood with marriage. The duty of young 
people who marry is to give more expensive lunch- 
eons than their neighbors and at least have two 
members of the Castoria family at her Thursday 
afternoons once a month. That is the duty of 
every self-respecting young married woman today. 

Mr. Pepper 
Well, I give it up. I thought at least when two 
young people married they lived for their children 
and each other. 

Mrs. Pepper 
Each other? How vulgar! Any woman who 
sits at the same table with her own husband more 
than once a week is simply declassee. That's the 
iron social rule laid down last season in Newport. 

Mr. Pepper 
But whom do wives dine with, if not with their 
husbands ? 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 15 

Mrs. Pepper 
Why, with other women's husbands, of course. 
That is what marriage is for. 

Mr. Pepper 
[Sadly] 
Well, things have changed since I was a boy. 

Mrs. Pepper 
And since I was a girl, thank Heaven ! 

[Duet: ''Since I Was a Boy and a 
Girl''] 

[Guests begin to arrive and the orches- 
tra strikes up poptdar tunes. There is 
much hustling about and the large and 
portly butler announces the various social 
celebrities as they enter] 

[Enter Mrs. Grundy] 



i6 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

Butler 
[/« loud voice] 
Her Grace The Duchess of Grundy ! [In a loud 
aside to Mrs. Grundy]. Beg pardon, ma'am, but 
my mistress does love the sound of a title. 
[Enter Mrs. Malaprop] 

Butler 
[In loud voice] 
Her Serene Highness Princess Malaprop ! 

Mrs. Malaprop 
[Objecting] 
You made a mistake, my man. 

Butler 
[Apologetically] 
Them's me h'orders, ma'am; so Princess you are 
whether you Uke it or not. 

[Mrs. Malaprop retires bewildered and 
joins Mrs. Grundy] 
[Enter Dr. Doolittle] 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 17 

Butler 
[In loud voice] 
His Grace The Duke of Doolittle ! 

Dr. Doolittle 
ISpluttering] 
But, my good man, I am the village doctor. 

Butler 
[Firmly] 
You are the village Duke today. 

[Dr. Doolittle, protesting, joins Mrs. 
Malaprop and Mrs. Grundy] 
[Enter Reverend Wontstop] 

Butler 
His Excellency Canon Wontstop! 

Reverend Wontstop 
Canon? I am a man of peace, sir! 



i8 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

Butler 
[Serenely] 
Never mind, you won't go off. 

[Enter Mrs. Knowitall] 

Butler 
Her Royal Highness The Grand Duchess of 
Knowitall ! 

Mrs. Knowitall 
[Beaming] 
How sweet it sounds! I always fancied myself 
with a title. 

Reverend Wontstop 
What a delightful custom ! In imagination I am 
already of royal blood. 

DRi DOOLITTLE 

And why not? America is really the greatest 
monarchy of all. Our society is the most expensive 
to get into. 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 19 

Mrs. Knowitall 

And to get out of. 

[Enter Mayor Dooless] 

Butler 
His Excellency The Most High Lord Mayor 
Dooless of Oshkosh! 

Mayor 
[Tipping Butler heavily] 
How pleasant it is to be treated with a dignity one 
really deserves! 

Mrs. Knowitall 
We were just saying what delightful restrictions 
exist in this country of ours. It is so nice to be 
born in a position which enables one to cut others. 
That is the real higher education for women: to 
know just who and where and when to cut people. 
For instance, if I am in the orchestra and Mrs, 
Malaprop is in the stage box of the village Opera 
House, I can bow to her without exciting comment. 



20 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

but if the positions were reversed, I could not. If 
you know a woman on Fifth Avenue, you must not 
recognize her on Sixth. It wouldn't do. 
[Enter Mr. Vermifuge] 

Butler 
The Honorable Mr. Vermifuge ! 

Mr. Vermifuge 
Dear me, dear me! Sounds quite exciting! As 
a matter of fact I am late because Mrs. Pepper's 
French bull was suffering from a slight intestinal 
disorder. I am so sorry! It quite slipped out. 
One should not mention such things in the best cir- 
cles. 

Mrs. Knowitall 
[Soothingly] 
Oh, that's all right, my dear Vermifuge. It's 
quite in fashion now to mention one's ailments. One 
talks of nothing at dinner nowadays but the effect 
of each course upon the liver. It is really quite ex- 
citing comparing notes. 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 21 

Mayor Dooless 

Oh, yes, the insides of things nowadays form the 
sole topic of conversation. People have talked for 
centuries about the outsides. It is time one took an 
interest in the in. 

Mr. Pepper 
[Almost choking] 

Ladies and gentlemen (choke) friends. This is 
a most happy occasion and Mrs. (choke) Pepper 
and myself feel proud in the thought that our 
daughters are here to share with us the pleasure we 
feel in welcoming you to our humble home. 

[Mr. and Mrs. Pepper come down 
stage and greet all their friends. Loud 
voices are heard, motor horns, cheering, 
and music begins] 

[Enter Annie as Sympharosa with girl 
friends. She embraces her mother and 
father, bows her acknowledgments to 
crowd, and sings operatic aria] 



22 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

[Enter Nellie as Euphonia with 
friends as Russian ballet girls. In chorus 
they explain that Euphonia hopes to make 
Pavlowa take a back seat. With Russian 
music Euphonia executes a wild barbaric 
pas seul, finishing in a grand finale] 

[Enter Molly or Atalanta with 
friends dressed in sport costume or bath- 
ing dresses. She has a lively song with 
burlesque of bathing or golf in the Busi- 
ness] 

[Enter Dottie or Iphigenia in spotlight 
with chorus. She is very tragic and does 
a scene from the " Phedra of Racine " or 
some other French classic'] 

[Enter Pollie or Orchesteria with 
chorus and man dancing partner. They 
execute a modern fox trot. While in 
song, chorus explains] 

[Enter Bessie or Ariadne with chorus 
dressed as modern soubrette in a musical 
comedy. She has rather a gay daring lit- 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 23 

tie song and dance, at the finale of which 
all the sisters are congratulated by admir- 
ing audience] 

[Enter Bettie or Sappho, who sings on 
Greek art or poetry] 

Seven Girls 
[In chorus] 
Where's Melinda? Our little sister Melinda — 
where is she? 

Others 
[Echoing] 
Where is Melinda? Has she; changed much? 
Has she no accomplishments ? Has she not learned 
to act, dance, sing or play? 

Mrs. Grundy 

[Sadly] 

Hush, don't mention Melinda ! 

\_At that moment noise of a brass band 



24 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

is heard at the back of the theater in the 
foyer. There is cheering and shouting of 
people and Melinda appears dressed very 
plainly hut attractively and carrying a suf- 
frage Hag with children of the poor holding 
onto her skirt and men and women in 
every walk of life following her in the pro- 
cession: laborers, factory girls, salesladies, 
etc. Neither looking to the left nor the 
right, Melinda marches down center aisle 
with her little army and onto the stage to 
the amazement of every one present. Me- 
linda's sisters are shocked and horriHed] 

Mrs. Pepper 
[Groaning aloud] 
This will ruin us. Just when we had got the best 
people up to our house on the hill. 

[Musical Scene: Little children, fac- 
tory girls, and shop assistants: " Our 
Friend Melinda Has Promised/' etc.] 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 25 

[Melinda has a song: ''I Am Me- 
linda" She is joined in the chorus by her 
followers. At the conclusion of song, 
with great earnestness of manner, she 
kisses her sisters, who draw hack from her 
suspiciously. She then goes to her 
mother] 

Melinda 

\To mother'] 

Won't you welcome me home, mother? I have 

marched a long way and I am very tired but not so 

tired as some of my friends here who need my help 

and yours. 

Mrs. Grundy 

[In loud voice to Mrs. Malaprop] 

Good heavens, I actually believe the creature's a 

suffragette! No wonder they never spoke of her 

except behind closed doors. I think we had better 

be going. 



26 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

Mrs. Malaprop 
Do you think it can be possible? And just when 
we had taken them up and they were about to be- 
come our equals socially. 

Reverend Wontstop 
[To Mayor Dooless] 
Do you think she will become violent? I have 
read that they sometimes do. 

Mayor Dooless 
I believe you are right. We had better go while 
we are safe from harm. 

Mrs. Knowitall 

Oh, there is no danger. They talk a lot but they 
rarely do anything. Women only fight with their 
tongues. 

Melinda 
[Catching last remark and speaking in clear voice'] 
You are mistaken, Mrs. Knowitall. Women 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 27 

nowadays have better weapons than the one you 
mention. We fight, it is true, but we fight with 
good deeds, with love of humanity as our sword 
and justice as our shield. We want you all to tear 
away the blinds of superstition and let the sun of 
knowledge pour into the windows of your soul. 
We want you — and by you, I mean all women — to 
help each other, to be kind to each other, to throw 
off your shackles of servitude and become free — all 
equal, all great, all working together for the common 
cause — equal rights, equal responsibilities, equal re- 
wards, equal punishments. 

Mrs. Grundy 
Good heavens, she is obviously no lady! 

Melinda 
If your way of living, thinking, and acting are 
those of a lady, then I am glad to dissociate myself 
from so ambiguous a term. I am a woman first and 
I want to help all women who are blind and who 
still live in mental as well as physical slavery. 



28 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

Mayor Dooless 

[Stepping up in bellicose manner] 

Young woman, do you fancy for one moment that 

you could take my place as Mayor of the town of 

Oshkosh? For you do want political rights in this 

hairbrained scheme of yours. 

Melinda 
And why am I not as capable of being Mayor and 
of holding office as well or as ill as you do? {At 
the word ''ill" the Mayor squirms.'] You know 
as well as I that this is a wide open town. By that 
I mean that every vice can flourish here by the 
purveyors paying for their license to carry on the 
trade. 

Mayor 

[Indignantly] 

There is not any more vice in the streets of Osh- 
kosh than any other town in the Union. 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 29 

Melinda 

IGently] 

Not any more vice — there you have touched the 

crux of the matter. Why should there not be less 

vice than in any other town in America? Why 

should vice, depravity, and crime be comparative ? 

Mayor 
[Feebly] 
But if I close these places, I'd be put out of office 
They wouldn't elect me a second term. 

Melinda 
Who do you mean by " they " ? 

Mayor 
The citizens of this community. 

Melinda 
But if all the citizens had the power to vote, you 
would be elected a second term. The majority is 
always for the right. 



30 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

Mayor 
But all the citizens do vote. Every Tom, Dick 
and Harry has a vote in this town and they use it 
too, worse luck. 

Melinda 
All the blacks, the negroes, they also are allowed 
their vote ? 

Mayor 
Yes. 

Melinda 
And imbeciles, if they are allowed at large, even 
they can vote? 

Mayor 
Absolutely, yes. 

Melinda 
And any farm hand or railroad laborer, even if 
he can't spell or write, but can just make his mark 
— he can vote ? 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 31 

Mayor 
Of course. 

Melinda 
Was your late wife, whose good works are still 
the talk of the town, the late Mrs. Dooless, an in- 
telligent woman. Mayor? 

Mayor 

[Proudly] 

Intelligent? You bet your bottom dollar she was. 

Why, it was she who wrote my first speech in the 

Democratic campaign which elected me to the Board 

of Aldermen. 

Melinda 
Was she as intelligent as old black Joe, the negro 
stable-boy of Dr. Doolittle ? 

Mayor 
I won't have the memory of my late wife in- 
sulted, Miss Melinda Pepper ! 

Melinda 
I am not insulting the memory of the late Mrs. 
Dooless. It is you who are doing that. 



32 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

Mayor 
What do you mean ? 

Melinda 
Because by denying women the political right to 
vote and by allowing old black Joe that same right, 
you place old black Joe mentally and economically 
in a position superior to that of the late Mrs. 
Dooless, your capable and very good wife. 

Mayor 

[Scratching his head] 

Well, I really hadn't thought of it in that way. 

Melinda 
[Returning to the attack] 
Mayor, what, exactly, constitutes a citizen of a 
country and a member of a community ? 

Mayor 
[Promptly'] 
A man who pays his taxes. 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 33 

Melinda 
But women pay taxes just the same as men and 
yet they have no rights. How do you explain that ? 

Mayor 
It isn't the vote we mind you women having. 
We would give you that, if you wouldn't scream 
for more. But it's your holding office we men ob- 
ject to. We can't stand for that. What would 
happen to the country with a pack of women howl- 
ing in the Senate and giving pink teas at the White 
House? Why, the whole country would go to the 
dogs! 

Melinda 
The country has been going to the dogs for quite 
a while now. Why not give it to the cats for a 
change? Why, women have proved their efficiency 
in the arts, the professions, and the vocations which 
have been so long monopoHsed by men in the past. 
Statistics teach us that women make just as good 
surgeons, lawyers, architects, and in fact excel in 
all the practical arts. Because she has been kept 



34 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

a drudge for centuries past, the fine arts have been 
a closed book to her; but from a creature of utility, 
she is rapidly becoming a creature of opportunity; 
and when woman tightens the rein and puts the bit 
on intellect and instinct, she will be unconquerable. 

[Turning to her sisters'] 

And you, my sisters, so gifted and so beautiful — 
how have you spent the last few years when you 
should have been studying, preparing yourselves for 
the great day when women will take their proper 
places in the world ? " Vanity " — has been your 
watchword — " Vanity " alone has been your guid- 
ing star ! 

[Mrs. Pepper^ who has been more and 
more converted, suddenly flings discretion 
to the winds] 

Mrs. Pepper 
Girls, girls, put away your curls! If the men 
won't be prepared, we'll show them that the women 
are for preparedness anyhow ! 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 35 

[Song: ''Girls, Girls, Put Away Your 
Curls" All join, drilling, etc., going into 
Finale: " Carry On ! "] 



Curtain 



SELECTED LYRICS 



MELINDA'S ENTRANCE 

Melinda 
Once when I was a little girl, 
Not very long ago, 

I dreamed a dream made my head whirl. 
The dream some day you shall know. 

Children 
We have come with you, 
Our dreams are true. 

Melinda 
And so illusions, they come and go, 
I am older now and wise, I know. 

Children 
Oh no! 

Melinda 
I dreamed of a world so fair and wide 
39 



40 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

Framed by the stars above; 

And in this world was naught beside: 

Sympathy, hope, and love. 



THE WALTZ 

I am tired to-night, 

And I'm weary of bright 

Restless eyes, carmine lips, 

Drooping shoulder; 

And I feel that before 

My brief life is o'er, 

And the wiser I grow and older, 

I should give up all 

Dances, flirtation and balls. 

These society teas 

And afternoon calls ; 

For I still remember 

The dear days when you 

Taught me a dance that was new. 

Refrain 
'Twas a waltz, dear, 
You taught me that night, 
41 



42 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

In the waltz, dear, 

You held me so tight ; 

As we glided together 

On love's dreamy strain, 

The throb of the violins 

Crept into my brain. 

Now though I have half forgotten your name, 

And I have waltzed oft with others, 

It is never the same ; 

And I'd give my fame, 

Fortune and all for the right, 

Could we waltz once again, dear, to-night. 

Now at first 'twas a task, dear. 

To get you to ask 

For my programme 

To write down your name. 

And I don't know why 

But you made me feel shy, 

Though I wished you to stay 

Just the same. 

And oh, how I wish 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 43 

We had played bigger parts, 
And ceased to dissemble, 
And laid bare our hearts ! 
Then I'd have been yours. 
And you'd have been mine: 
Together in Life's Waltz divine ! 



NURSE'S SONG 

Man thinks of woman in moments of leisure, 
Bringing him pleasure to claim and caress. 
Man finds in woman a prize he could treasure, 
Gold beyond measure in sorrow or stress. 
Whether in battle the fight has been hard for you, 
When you have sickness or harm that is dire. 
There's a friend with a tender regard for you. 
Woman, the best that man can desire. 

Come to us, send for us, 

When you are broken or sorry or sad. 

If you want aid of us, 

Don't be afraid of us. 

We will be tender and render you glad. 

Only take heed of us, 

If you have need of us, 

44 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 45 

We can bring light to your eye once again. 

We want a share of you, 

We will take care of you, 

Tend you and mend you and save you from pain. 



GOLF 

There's a game that every fellow loves to play : 
Golfing is the game to-day that holds the sway ; 
If you play it as you really ought to do, 
There is nothing like it, I'll explain to you. 
Now all you want is just a girl of seventeen, 
Just about the greenest thing upon the green. 
Never mind your playing, always keep on saying. 
That you love her — is all that you need. 
Just get your little mashie and your maid 
And I will tell you how the game is played. 

Refrain 
First give your girl a kiss, 
That part you mustn't miss. 
Then drive — and kiss some more 
(Ta ra-ta ra-ta ra) 
Then you postpone the play, 
46 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 47 

Look in her eyes and say : 
" Cuddle up near me, 
We're in a bunker, dearie." 
Then round her dainty waist 
Your arm is quickly placed. 
With love you're all on fire. 
You hug and tease her. 
Cuddle and squeeze her, 
But while you're dreaming 
You hear somebody screaming, 
" Fore ! Fore ! Fore ! " 
Then your game is o'er, 
And you can start over again. 



DUBLIN MOLLY-O 

There's a little town in Ireland 
And Dublin is its name ; 
There's not a place in all the world 
That I love quite the same; 
The girls they are the sweetest there 
An' tho I'm far from home 
Soon I'll go back to Molly-O 
And make her all my own. 
And then there'll be a bonny babe 
As taxes to the king 
An' if e'er he sees my Molly-O 
Like me he's sure to sing, 
Flora, Cora, Polly, 
Dolly, Norah, 

I never could adore a girl like you ; 
And with Sallie — Callie, 
I really couldn't dally 
48 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 49 

Tho you live in Lovers' Alley 
And to me you'd be so true; 
There's not another — mother — 
A sister, friend or brother, 
Like a little Irish lass I know. 
With " Because I came from Dublin," 
'Tis me you're always troublin'. 
Arrah go on but 
I love my Molly-O. 



LEGS 

Some tell people by their bumps, 
Or by their palms, they say ; 
And if upon your head you've lumps. 
They'll give you dead away. 
Cranks who claim to tell about 
Your traits by the way you talk, 
But the surest way to tell a man 
Is by his legs and walk. 

Refrain 
Can't you tell a lady from the city? 
Can't you tell a Jacky from the sea? 
By her walk you know she must be pretty. 
By his legs a nut he'd like to be. 
50 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 51 

Can't you tell that she is glad he's found her 
Can't you see that she's been in the dregs ? 
Can't you tell that he's a perfect bounder? 
In fact, there's nothing one can't learn from legs. 



" HELLO, HELLO " 
(Words and Music by Elsa Maxwell) 
I've got a secret 
That I've shared with none, 
A secret that is very dear 
I'll tell to only one 
If I find that some one answers me. 
I cannot keep it more, 
When it's all about some one that I adore. 
So Exchange please give me 
I L-O-V-E Y-O-U 

And please don't say " engaged " unless to some one 
true. 

Refrain 
Hello, hello, isn't there a fellow 
Who will answer at the other end? 
Now it is very strange 
That I can't get exchange (don't cut me off) 
52 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 53 

To connect me with a gentlemanly friend ! 

Hello, hello, haven't you a number? 

Hello, hello, haven't you a name? 

There must be some one on some 'phone 

Who wants me for his very own. 

So hello, hello. 

If you're not a dunce, 

You'll say hello, hello, at once. 



GIRLS, GIRLS, PUT AWAY YOUR CURLS 

For a thousand years or so, 

Since many moons ago, 

Men have ruled us women East and West. 

From the cave man in his lair 

To the flyer in the air. 

To keep us women down they thought was best. 

But turned now is the tide, 

And we cannot be denied, 

We are coming in our millions to enhance; 

For they need us great and small, 

And we'll gladly give our all 

To show what we can do if weVe the chance. 

Refrain 
So girls, girls, put away your curls. 
Put away your petticoats and frills ! 
Step right into line ; 
Cease now to repine; 

54 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 55 

We'll show them that we all can learn to drill. 

Left! Right! We can stand the pace. 

'Tention ! Halt ! Right about face ! 

But we've done with teas and balls ; 

We've forgotten how to dance ; 

We'll show what we can do if we've the chance ! 



CARRY ON! 

(Dedicated to Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont) 
What ardent hopes inspire us, 
With the women marching by ! 
Both young and old turned toward the goal 
For the cause that never dies ; 
The music swelling wakes the echoes, 
Makes the great hearts glow; 
It tells us that our warriors bold. 
Like Knights of Long Ago, 
When they rode forth to defend the Grail, 
For Freedom's sake they can never fail! 

Refrain 
Carry on ; carry on ! 
For Victory's flag that flies. 
Carry on! that our work 
Will never be in vain. 
56 



MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 57 

Who lives if Freedom dies? 

Are we downhearted ? No ! No ! No ! 

For the beacon light 

Will shine a long long way ; 

Carry on and fear no foe! 

Now when my span of life is run, 

And I falter on life's way ; 

And the children gather at my knee, 

They will listen when I say : 

Your mother, dears, fought for the right, 

To free you from the yoke. 

Worn by all women till the time 

The voice of action spoke; 

That's what your mother did, my dears, 

When she broke the servitude of years. 

Refrain 
Carry on; carry on! 
For Victory's flag that flies. 
Carry on! that our work 
Will never be in vain. 
Who lives if Freedom dies? 



58 MELINDA AND HER SISTERS 

Are we downhearted ? No ! No ! No ! 
For the light of knowledge 
Shines a long long way; 
Carry on to crush the foe ! 



TO BE PUBLISHED IN APRIL 

THE VALLEY 
OF LEBANON 

By HELEN S. WRIGHT 

Author of ''The Great White North'' etc. 

This is a story of the Berkshire Hills — 
that most beautiful section of New Eng- 
land which is the Mecca of the motorist. 
Filled with the natural beauty of the coun- 
try, athrill with human life and emotion, 
The Valley of Lebanon is marked by the 
keen observation and graphic touch so char- 
acteristic of this author. 

Price, $i.oo net 

ROBERT J. SHORES, Publisher 
New York 



ANTE UP! ANTE UP! 

THE PENNY 
ANTE CLUB 

By 
ARTHUR J. SHORES 

The first and funniest book of 191 6 

$1.00 Net 

Your dealer has it 

Your neighbor has it 

YOU MUST HAVE IT 

GET IT TO-DAY 

ANTE UP! ANTE UP! 



ROBERT J. SHORES, Publisher 

1961-1977 Broadway 

New York 






















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